Pronunciation: \ in-heer-uh nt\
Etymology: Latin inhærere ~ be closely connected with, adhere to
1. existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable element, quality, or attribute
2. involved in the constitution or essential character of something
In attempting to explain my concern with an institutional decision, I shared with two people this week that my anxiety stemmed from my inherent insecurity. They both laughed.
Several years ago, I shared the same thing with the person to whom I was married. He looked straight at me and declared “You are not insecure!” Then, and now, it hurt and caused some confusion.
What happens when you are vulnerable and honest with those around you and they do not believe you? What option is left?
The question is no longer apropos, although it is my “go to” response – along with other mental regurgitation. “How do I make them understand?” “How do I protect myself?” “Why don’t they….(insert verb)” Those responses are incubated in my fear and insecurity. They give birth to the desire to control, and incongruently, the move to isolate myself.
That internal dialogue and resulting actions, don't work for me anymore. I have learned that I do not need to find another option when I have been appropriately honest. The reactions of others are just that –their reactions. My acceptance of their misunderstanding isn’t approval, but simply acknowledgement. When my world shifts because of their responses, it is because I have allowed it. My expectations have gotten in the way.
What does work when others don’t respond the way I want?
1. Seek God’s guidance by turning my will and my life over to the “care of God as I understand Him.”
2. Do the next right thing with "THINK" - Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind? What is painful can still be presented in kind and respectful manner. What is necessary isn’t always serious. Humor and play are as vital as rest and exercise.
3. Let go of the outcome. If I have been honest, done my best believing it is the right thing to do, then there is no sanity in attempting to manipulate the outcome.
4. Accept life on life terms. There will be joy and there will be pain. Both will come and both will pass. This requires being present in the moment.
5. Practice gratitude.
Today’s misstep was to dwell on the responses of others. A minor adjustment in focus, physical movement, along with meditating on what is good and true in my life allowed me to get “my head out of the bucket.”
The gratitude list is long – but tonight it centers on the incredible joy of listening to John Harr play music.
Challenge for You
1. What comments have you allowed to shift your outlook?
2. What part of THINK (Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind) do you find most difficult?
What Worked for Me Today
When I used to drink orange juice from a crystal goblet my son would ask “Is that really necessary?” Yes Jacob, sometime sfor me it is.
Check Out John Harr