Obdurate – Difficult changes in perception, understanding and corporate culture

ob•du•rate
Pronunciation: \ ob-doo-rit -\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin: to harden
Date: 1400-50
1. unmoved by persuasion, pity, or tender feelings; stubborn; unyielding.
2. stubbornly resistant to moral influence; persistently impenitent

Currently, I am reading two books. One is fiction by Anne Perry, a favorite author of mine. It is set in the Byzantine Empire and places the characters within the larger conflict between the Orthodox and Roman Catholic Churches. Each clings with violent intent to its beliefs. There is little room to quote the text “for gentleness and the humility to learn, to crush the appetite for exclusivity and to tolerate the different.”

The second book is a frank discussion of the perceptions of Christians by non Christians and the “good news about the end of Christian America.” The author, Gabe Lyons, speaks of Christians of in all variances seeking to “be a a force for restoration in a broken world” ~ wanting the label “Christan to mean something good, intelligent, authentic, true and beautiful.”

The intertwining of history with fiction, the present with the past, as I read these two books speaks to my own journey, personally, spiritually and professionally. Growth is often brought upon us through trial, sadness, grief or illness. Why is that so? What is it about us as humans or in a broader sense our corporate structures that require pain (or litigation) to move from self interest (which is often destructive) to health and justice?

We are a stubborn lot, well at least I am. I repeat what I have done before, no longer expecting different results (expecting different results being the definition of insanity). I repeat it KNOWING the results will be the same. What is the level after insanity?

I also see the workplace doing the same. We face budget cuts and looming insecurity, yet corporately we turn to the same dogged solutions we enacted during the last crisis. Where is the creativity? The willingness to at least listen to persuasion?
My prayers are simpler these days. I have stopped praying answers. I have turned to asking for guidance. A twelve step prayer is simple “knowledge of your will and the power to carry it out.” Yet, I feel guilty. Raised in a church culture that not only preached but required praying for specifics, I at times feel as though I am not “doing my part.” On the other hand, I tremble at the idea that I might know God’s will for anyone’s life.

My concerns for work are as complex. There are rules and traditions and a hierarchy not much different than any church. Contemplating different approaches rocks the norm.

To change a couple of words of Anne Perry “Maybe an [institution] can only take us so far, provide a framework in which we can climb far enough to see just how much father there is to go, and that the journey is infinitely worth it.”

What Worked for Me Today
Moving – when I wanted to hide. Reading beyond the text thanks to my IPod Touch (thank you Jared) with Kindle books backed up by Google, Wikipedia and the New Oxford American Dictionary.


Minutia
Shopping Local at Third Street Books in McMinnville – This is a great place to pick up a title or two (especially when they actually get it off the shelf and hand it to you while you walk around). I have found the most interesting books here; ones I may not have encountered otherwise.

The Next Christians: How a New Generation is Restoring Faith

, by Gabe Lyons

The Sheen on the Silk

by Anne Perry

Pinch and the Serenity Prayer

pinch
Function: verb; noun; adjective

Date: 1250–1300

Etymology: from O.N.Fr. *pinchier, variant of O.Fr. pincier, possibly from V.L. *punctiare "to pierce" (from L. punctum "point"), and *piccare "to pierce." Meaning "to steal" is from 1650s. Sense of "to be stingy" is recorded from early 14c. Noun meaning "critical juncture" (as in baseball pinch hitter, attested from 1912) is from late 15c.; older than the literal sense of "act of pinching" (1590s).

Depending on the source, pinch can have as many as 30 distinct definitions. The following is a significantly, and prejudicially, edited list.

: (a)to constrict or squeeze painfully; (b) to cramp within narrow bounds or quarters; (c) to affect with sharp discomfort or distress; (d) to diminish to nothing; (e) to stint on or be frugal or economical with expenditures; (f) substitute

A couple of weeks ago, I read a comment that said “when life begins to pinch, it is time for change.” At that time it made me laugh, because I had a literal lesson on this exact concept. I had worn a pair of shoes to work – a pair that I had comfortably worn dozens of times before. There was a rubbing or pinching on one toe, which I chose to ignore. By the time I arrived home I had created a rather large (for a toe) raw spot. It was so painful, that I couldn't wear closed toed shoes for several days afterward. With this in mind, I was ready to write a prosaic blog about metaphorical pinching in my life and the changes I now was ready to make.

Things change. Life is no longer pinching, it’s downright painful. However, I am having cognitive dissonance created completely by fear. The Serenity Prayer, as modified by many 12-step programs including Al-Anon, states “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I know the unsaid “inserts” to the prayer: things I cannot change – everyone else; things I can change – me.

So, the question today is sort of “what would Ghandi do?” What actions can I change – my own actions – that may affect the world for the greater good? OK so maybe not the world, but my workplace, my family, my home. Life has gone beyond pinching and it some ways it is approaching intolerable. Where are my boundaries? And what risks am I willing to take?

What Worked for Me Today
Sitting quietly on the couch reading and napping. No tv or radio or music, just the sound of the rain.

Minutia
Two books are bringing clarity to my own experience. The first I have just finished.

Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction

by David Sheff is familiar at times, heart wrenching and yet holds the key to why so many of us find relief in Al-Anon. When we are the family or friends of the addict and/or alcoholic, we too become sick. When we share our stories, we gain strength.

The second book I have just begun. It will be a slow read, one I am not sure I am ready for.

The Year of Magical Thinking

by Joan Didion chronicles her life after the death of her husband.

Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death.

Iterative - Sometimes the definition of insanity

it•er•a•tive
Pronuciation: \ˈi-tə-ˌrā-tiv, -rə-\
Function: adjecdtive
Date: 15th century
1. Characterized by or involving repetition, recurrence, reiteration, or repetitiousness.
2. Grammar Frequentative.

Albert Einstein once said "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". It is interesting that 12-step programs have adopted this definition as well.

In a Daily Meditations book, the following passage resonated with me, not because I am in pain today, but because in the past I have chosen to stay in pain. Choosing something different was too fearful.

“Pain, repeatedly experienced, indicates a need for self-assessment…Honest self-appraisal may call for change in attitude, change in behavior or change in direction…Most of us willingly wallow in our pain awhile, not because we like it, but because its familiarity offers security.”

Some posit that change is inevitable. I wonder. If we do not accept change when it comes, or do not seek it when things are awry, we just may find ourselves “wallowing” in our current situation. Pain is the familiar companion.

On NPR there was an interesting story about two men whose sight was restored late in life. Because these men had no visual references, things like buildings or the faces of family members made no sense to them. Their brains had to be retrained to understand the visual images. One man embraced the incredible changes, the other did not. Change came to both of these men. One fought it, and died miserable. The other defined his life through change and expanded his quality of life.

Today, I can say without hesitation, that the changes I have chosen in the past two years ,or in the case of David’s death, forced myself to feel, have brought me to a place where there can be happiness.

Yet, there are still things that make me uncomfortable – uneasy. It is time for a change in attitude, behavior and/or direction once again.

What Worked for Me Today
Following my bedtime routine last night: Hot decaf green tea and Yoga Relaxation.
Reading and Meditating (no ohhhmmmsss) this morning.

Minutia
Massage & Yoga
I believe I have shared this before. However, it bears repeating. If you are near to McMinnville, please check out:
http://www.yogafortheheart.com/

Seylah is both my massage therapist and my yoga instructor. I use her CD prior to going to bed. She has my highest recommendation.

NPR
Treating Blindness Takes More Than Meets the Eye
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129731859

Daily Meditations
"Each Day A New Beginning" Harper/Hazelden publishers
http://www.hazelden.org/OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=1098

Memento – What to Keep?

me•men•to
Pronunciation: \mə-ˈmen-(ˌ)tō, ÷mō-\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural me•men•tos or me•men•toes
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin, remember, imperative of meminisse to remember; akin to Latin ment-, mens mind
Date: 1580
: something that serves to warn or remind


This year has brought much change. Part of the change lies in literally sorting out the past – boxes of it. What causes some of us to hold on to things and others to seem to have no need to surround themselves with the little oddities the rest of us collect? Usually, you can easily tell by looking at someone’s refrigerator. No magnets, notices, notes, or artwork? Or a collection of the important and mundane.

What do I do with someone else’s mementos? My mother kept six or seven pairs of my childhood shoes. Red leather sandals and stiff white high tops along with tiny little Mary-Jane’s and beaded moccasins. Envelopes with snippets of my once sun yellow blond hair. And why do we keep teeth? I have my children’s baby teeth and now I am faced with a jar of my own. There are pictures of unknown people and broken costume jewelry carefully wrapped in Kleenex.

There were notes written inside lid of my mother’s makeup box. “You Know Something” in my father’s hand. Small code words meaning “I love you.” Cards she had given to him signed "You Know Who" - cards that were obviously left behind.

What will my own children find when the time comes? Small onesies that they wore when infants and baby books with hair clippings taped in the back. A teddy bear, a black bat doll, a stethascope, a candle shade imprinted with the sererenity prayer. Rubber stamps and half-finished quilts along with boxes of books. Finely crochetted doilies from my grandmother, pictures of my mother along with drumsticks and artwork from my father. Baskets and boxes and glass bowls. Will they be able to identify the jewelry that reminds me of love vs. the jewelry that speaks of fashion? Will they understand the code words they find written on notes or in letters?

I am sorting through the past in order to move with the rhythm of the present.

What Worked For Me Today
Throwing away the things that can not be fixed and have no emotional or financial value. Washing and mending the things that can.

Minutia
Current Books on My Bed
"The Epidemic - a Global History of Aids" by Jonathan Engel
"A Kiss of Shadows" - by Laurell K. Hamilton
"Soduko" - presented by Will Shortz