Inherent – Knowing What Feeds My Soul

in•her•ent

Pronunciation: \ in-heer-uh nt\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin inhærere ~ be closely connected with, adhere to
Date: 1570–80

1. existing in someone or something as a permanent and inseparable element, quality, or attribute
2. involved in the constitution or essential character of something

In attempting to explain my concern with an institutional decision, I shared with two people this week that my anxiety stemmed from my inherent insecurity. They both laughed.

Several years ago, I shared the same thing with the person to whom I was married. He looked straight at me and declared “You are not insecure!” Then, and now, it hurt and caused some confusion.

What happens when you are vulnerable and honest with those around you and they do not believe you? What option is left?

The question is no longer apropos, although it is my “go to” response – along with other mental regurgitation. “How do I make them understand?” “How do I protect myself?” “Why don’t they….(insert verb)” Those responses are incubated in my fear and insecurity. They give birth to the desire to control, and incongruently, the move to isolate myself.

That internal dialogue and resulting actions, don't work for me anymore. I have learned that I do not need to find another option when I have been appropriately honest. The reactions of others are just that –their reactions. My acceptance of their misunderstanding isn’t approval, but simply acknowledgement. When my world shifts because of their responses, it is because I have allowed it. My expectations have gotten in the way.

What does work when others don’t respond the way I want?

1. Seek God’s guidance by turning my will and my life over to the “care of God as I understand Him.”

2. Do the next right thing with "THINK" - Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary and Kind? What is painful can still be presented in kind and respectful manner. What is necessary isn’t always serious. Humor and play are as vital as rest and exercise.

3. Let go of the outcome. If I have been honest, done my best believing it is the right thing to do, then there is no sanity in attempting to manipulate the outcome.

4. Accept life on life terms. There will be joy and there will be pain. Both will come and both will pass. This requires being present in the moment.

5. Practice gratitude.

Today’s misstep was to dwell on the responses of others. A minor adjustment in focus, physical movement, along with meditating on what is good and true in my life allowed me to get “my head out of the bucket.”

The gratitude list is long – but tonight it centers on the incredible joy of listening to John Harr play music.

Challenge for You
1. What comments have you allowed to shift your outlook?

2. What part of THINK (Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, Kind) do you find most difficult?

What Worked for Me Today
When I used to drink orange juice from a crystal goblet my son would ask “Is that really necessary?” Yes Jacob, sometime sfor me it is.

Live Music

Minutia
Check Out John Harr
http://johnwaylandharr.com/

Gratitude Part II - Family: Healthy perspective on a year of growth, change, humor, grief and self discovery

fam•i•ly
Pronunciation: \fam-uh-lee \
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin familia a household, servants of the house
Date: 1400
(Abbreviated list of definitions from http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/family)
1. a. a basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not
b. a social unit consisting of one or more adults together with the children they care for
8. the staff, or body of assistants, of an official
9. a group of related things or people
10. a group of people who are generally not blood relations but who share common attitudes, interests, or goals and, frequently, live together

Part 2 – I Am Not Alone

Experience, Strength & Hope
Al-Anon
In all 12 Step programs, members are encouraged to share their experience, strength and hope illustrated by how the program works in their lives. I have shared at a number of meetings, that Al-Anon has not made my life better, it has made me better at my life. I am grateful for my fellow travelers. I am grateful that no matter where I walk into a meeting, I am welcomed. I have been accepted with no judgement, no rush to change me, no advice. Hard to imagine - but it is a tenant of the program – we do not give advice. However, there is much to be learned by listening to another’s experience, strength and hope.

We Shall Do More With Less
Willamina School District
This family is dynamic and ever changing. I am grateful for those who have stepped beside me to help me professionally and personally. I am grateful for the students who face challenges and still join in, still show up, still find laughter. I am thankful that I can be a part of something that has value and meaning.

Call Your Mother
Children
The people whom Kate and Jared and Jacob are… brings me joy. My life is immeasurably richer because of them. They are a blessing.

“Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away.“ Proverbs 27:10
Friends
The generosity and patience, kindness and laughter, comfort and solace I have been privileged to experience from my friends is humbling. I am grateful for these people, especially when my craziness has been met with shared vulnerability. I can’t imagine this past year without these people.

What Worked for Me Today
Reading “Women, Food and God” by Geneen Roth at the McMinnville Library. I also picked up a great garden book for $1.00 from the “Friends of the Library” sale rack. It is located next to the elevator in the Mac Library lobby. Hard backs are $1.00 and paperbacks are 50 cents.

Minutia
Oregon Al Anon and Alateen
http://www.oregonal-anon.org

McMinnville Public Library
http://www.maclibrary.org

Essence - Challenging the Disease of Perception

es•sence
Pronunciation: \ˈe-sən(t)s\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English essencia, from Latin essentia, from esse to be
Date: 14th century
1 a : the permanent as contrasted with the accidental element of being b : the individual, real, or ultimate nature of a thing especially as opposed to its existence c : the properties or attributes by means of which something can be placed in its proper class or identified as being what it is
2 : something that exists :
3 a (1) : a volatile substance or constituent (2) : a constituent or derivative possessing the special qualities
4 : one that possesses or exhibits a quality in abundance as if in concentrated form
5 : the most significant element, quality, or aspect of a thing or person

Today at work, we discussed what is essential. Many things are not essential. However, I often find it difficult to distinguish between the unnecessary and the important. It makes it easy to complain or feel sorry for myself.

So what is essential? Most of us have our physical needs met. However, I do not have to travel to find those who do not have food or adequate shelter.

According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (see Minutia below) once physical needs are met, we act to gain safety. This includes health, employment, and physical safety. Again, I am taken aback that I personally know people who do not have these basic safety needs met.

It is no wonder then, that if these first two levels of basic needs are not met, that the third level (love and belonging) either doesn’t exist or is severely affected. Of course, it would affect our friendships, our families, and our ability to be emotionally intimate.

If this level is met, we move to esteem. To be accepted and valued by others allows for self-esteem. They are two sides to the same coin.

Finally, with both the respect of others and self-respect we can move to self-actualization. That “psych” word translates into acceptance, creativity, humor, morality, seeking to understand.

OK, so there is psychology 101. What does that have to do with grief, or life, or getting through a workday? It is easy for me to succumb to the “disease of perspective.” I loose sight of how fortunate I am and for how much there is to be grateful. It quiets me and fosters compassion. How do I know what needs are being met for any particular individual? How do I meet my own needs?

What Worked For Me Today
Staying busy, looking for the essential, letting go of the non essential

Minutia
Maslow’s Basic Introduction
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow's_hierarchy_of_needs

According to this article, people do not attain their needs because of “hindrances.” Maslow thought that education could be one of those hindrances. This article lists 10 things educators should teach or provide.
http://honolulu.hawaii.edu/intranet/committees/FacDevCom/guidebk/teachtip/maslow.htm