Friday, May 14, 2010

Hiatus - Back from the Break

hi•a•tus
Pronunciation: \hī-ˈā-təs\
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from hiare to yawn — more at YAWN
Date: 1563
1 a: a break in or as if in a material object b: a gap or passage in an anatomical part or organ
2 a: an interruption in time or continuity: a period when something is suspended or interrupted b: the occurrence of two vowel sounds without pause or intervening consonantal sound

In giving in to the stressors of work and personal issues, I stopped taking care of myself. I continued to work, answer phone calls, and respond to family and friends. However, I stopped writing. I isolated myself from my greater support network and closed ranks even in my own home. Going to bed early, rising even earlier I tripped the coping skills of the past – work, gossip, sleep, comfort food, and caffeine.

Even as I have verbalized that this summer I am going to be selfish, I cringe. It is not that a single person has argued the necessity of taking this time to care for myself. I realize I color even the presentation. A connoisseur of words, I could easily phrase it as “focusing on my goals,” “channeling my energy into revitalizing my heart, body and soul,” or something as simple as “enjoying the time off.” However, like stopping to write, taking a break to walk around the block, saying I “deserve” anything makes me literally shake my head no – doing so even as I write this.

Knowledge simply isn’t enough. If it were, I would be thin, wealthy, in great shape, have all of my paper work in order, and be a perfect person. I would write every day, exercise, drink my eight glasses of water, meditate, and pray. I would stop and breathe through the inevitable stress, let go of what I cannot change and smile a great deal more.

Is it discipline? Is it stress? Checking the research based stress rating scales I am in the over 300 category. It’s not pretty. Is it simply being human? I have been told not to be so hard on myself. Yet it may be as simple as an Alanon’s observation. “Go to meetings. Read stuff. Talk to people.”

Hiatus over. Let the writing continue!


What Worked For Me Today

Hugs from friends. Prayer with friends. A glass of wine and a chocolate truffle. (OK, so not ready to let go of all the old coping skills.)

Minutia
The Holmes and Rahe stress scale is a list of 43 stressful life events that can contribute to illness.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale

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