Pinch and the Serenity Prayer

pinch
Function: verb; noun; adjective

Date: 1250–1300

Etymology: from O.N.Fr. *pinchier, variant of O.Fr. pincier, possibly from V.L. *punctiare "to pierce" (from L. punctum "point"), and *piccare "to pierce." Meaning "to steal" is from 1650s. Sense of "to be stingy" is recorded from early 14c. Noun meaning "critical juncture" (as in baseball pinch hitter, attested from 1912) is from late 15c.; older than the literal sense of "act of pinching" (1590s).

Depending on the source, pinch can have as many as 30 distinct definitions. The following is a significantly, and prejudicially, edited list.

: (a)to constrict or squeeze painfully; (b) to cramp within narrow bounds or quarters; (c) to affect with sharp discomfort or distress; (d) to diminish to nothing; (e) to stint on or be frugal or economical with expenditures; (f) substitute

A couple of weeks ago, I read a comment that said “when life begins to pinch, it is time for change.” At that time it made me laugh, because I had a literal lesson on this exact concept. I had worn a pair of shoes to work – a pair that I had comfortably worn dozens of times before. There was a rubbing or pinching on one toe, which I chose to ignore. By the time I arrived home I had created a rather large (for a toe) raw spot. It was so painful, that I couldn't wear closed toed shoes for several days afterward. With this in mind, I was ready to write a prosaic blog about metaphorical pinching in my life and the changes I now was ready to make.

Things change. Life is no longer pinching, it’s downright painful. However, I am having cognitive dissonance created completely by fear. The Serenity Prayer, as modified by many 12-step programs including Al-Anon, states “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

I know the unsaid “inserts” to the prayer: things I cannot change – everyone else; things I can change – me.

So, the question today is sort of “what would Ghandi do?” What actions can I change – my own actions – that may affect the world for the greater good? OK so maybe not the world, but my workplace, my family, my home. Life has gone beyond pinching and it some ways it is approaching intolerable. Where are my boundaries? And what risks am I willing to take?

What Worked for Me Today
Sitting quietly on the couch reading and napping. No tv or radio or music, just the sound of the rain.

Minutia
Two books are bringing clarity to my own experience. The first I have just finished.

Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Addiction

by David Sheff is familiar at times, heart wrenching and yet holds the key to why so many of us find relief in Al-Anon. When we are the family or friends of the addict and/or alcoholic, we too become sick. When we share our stories, we gain strength.

The second book I have just begun. It will be a slow read, one I am not sure I am ready for.

The Year of Magical Thinking

by Joan Didion chronicles her life after the death of her husband.

Grief turns out to be a place none of us know until we reach it. We anticipate (we know) that someone close to us could die, but we do not look beyond the few days or weeks that immediately follow such an imagined death.

Euphoria: Afraid to trust “the happy”

eu•pho•ria

pronunctiation: \yü-ˈfȯr-ē-ə\
Function: noun
Date: 1751
Etymology: New Latin, from Greek, from euphoros healthy, from eu- + pherein to bear
: a feeling of well-being or elation

This was a very good day. In teaching, it is incredibly rewarding when you see a student engage in the process and apply what she has learned. It is a gift, when a smile spreads across his face as he realizes he “got it”. That happened today and it felt great!

Another gift walked in the door. A high school student aide, who worked with me several years ago came in to check in. He gave me a hug, introduced his fiancé, and talked about all the positive things happening in his life. That, forgive the Martha Stewart reference, is a “good thing.”

Afterschool in the libary I had a conversation about zombies and imortals with a student. We shared what books we were reading, and talked about the best way to dispatch the undead. It was so much fun.

Today, I witnessed teachers doing what good teachers do. I saw accommodations and clarity, humor and learning (not just teaching).

On a personal note, David’s daughter is expecting and she called to share the news. My own daughter has invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and wants to pay for the plane ticket.

In this moment – for today – I need to stay present. There is that voice nagging in the back that says “it won’t last – it’s not real – this happy you feel.” It may not last. And certainly, like pain, happiness will ebb and flow. However, I choose to say no to the fear and yes to happy. It was a very good day.

What Worked for Me Today
Again - getting up just a bit early to meditate and pray.
Eating breakfast - what a concept!

Minutia
Written for young adults - I am reading the "Mortal Instruments" series by Cassandra Clare. (Thank you Shannon Mode, Willamina Elementary Librarian, for the recommendation.)

My young friend recommends the "Pendragon" series by D. J. MacHale.

Languor - What Would Eeyore Do?

lan•guor
Pronunciation: \ˈlaŋ-gər also -ər\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French langur, from Latin languor, from languēre
Date: 14th century
1 : weakness or weariness of body or mind
2 : listless indolence or inertia

In Twelve Step programs, the definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” In looking for changes within systems and policies, I sought input, counsel, and attempted to frame the discussion in positive terms. However, communication is a tricky thing. Truth is not as popular as one might think.

A couple of old character flaws raise their heads at these times. I feel defeated and insecure. I have taken a risk and fear is mocking me. I don’t believe I will be understood and my intentions will be questioned. I hear the committee in my head shouting, “You will fail!” “People will be angry!” “The battle is not worth the risk!”

Yet I can laugh, using a “hack” suggested by Ron Hale-Evans in “Mind Performance Hacks.” He suggests looking at a problem from a variety of perspectives. Sounds trite. However, his method has you ask, “What would Bugs Bunny do?” “What would Scarlett O’Hara do?” “What would Lucille Ball do?” “What would Gandalf do?” “What would your mother do?” You can insert any character, hero, or inspiration you wish, just work out the scenario with the characteristics of your chosen person.

I’m leaning toward “What would Eeyore do?” I face uncertain outcomes tomorrow. I may have done an “insane” thing in trying to improve the monolith that is my workplace. Or, perhaps, just maybe, I am rehearsing a future that won’t occur.

What Worked For Me Today
A gracious, laughter-filled night of discussion, sharing, though provoking ideas and sense of being loved and cared for by two incredible women.

Minutia
Eeyore: Donkey character from Winnie the Pooh books by English author A. A. Milne
Eeyore quotes:

“This writing business. Pencils and what-not. Over-rated, if you ask me. Silly stuff. Nothing in it.”

"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily.
"So it is."
"And freezing."
"Is it?"
"Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately."

“No Give and Take. No Exchange of Thought. It gets you nowhere, particularly if the other person's tail is only just in sight for the second half of the conversation.”