Dissonance – Torn between all that was wonderful and the pain of the story.

dis•so•nance

Pronunciation: \ dis-uh-nuh ns \
Function: noun
Etymology: Late Latin dissonantia
Date: 1565–75
1. inharmonious or harsh sound; discord; cacophony.
2. Music . a. a simultaneous combination of tones conventionally accepted as being in a state of unrest and needing completion.
b. an unresolved, discordant chord or interval. Compare consonance def. 3. disagreement or incongruity.

In telling what happened last year, I struggle. I want to stop. I don’t want to go on. I want to share about times that held laughter, intimacy and love. I want to talk about falling off my bike, bouquets of flowers picked from alleys, quiet evenings and mad cap adventures. There were hours spent talking of faith, recovery, family, planning the future and just as many debating food, books, music, clothes and art.

Yet I know, that I must relate the details first. It is part of my healing. It is necessary so that I believe “Nothing I did or did not do would convince my loved one to get sober……..Nothing I could do would make or break another person’s sobriety.” ~ Courage to Change

His grandson came and stayed the weekend with us. We went to the Science Museum and out to eat. We played spies all weekend long. His grandson insisted that we have code names. David picked “Muerte” – death. I chose “Phoenix” - rebirth. I learned firsthand that weekend why people make choices with their alcoholics, based on children.

Though during the day David did not drink, he did in the evening. The first night he fell in the living room, knocking over the lamp. He was confused but fine. The lamp was not.

We got into an argument over his grandson. It was just 7 or 7:30 p.m. and David had gone to bed drunk and he wanted his grandson to come to bed as well. I refused. We argued. His grandson pleaded with us not to fight. It was awful. David finally fell asleep and I stayed up with his grandson until about 9 p.m. By then we too were exhausted.

Sometime in the early morning hours, around 2 or 3 a.m. David got up. He came to me and asked me to tell him everything he had done. We talked a long time that morning. I answered every question, and there were many.

Sunday would not be much different than Saturday, except that the drinking started a little earlier. And he bought us bikes. He and I had been riding bikes for a while, except the used one I had didn’t really fit. I fell a lot – last time ending up having to see a doctor. I wanted a bike on which I could sit and still touch the ground. Now I had one.

That night he told me he drank more when I was there, because he knew I would take care of his grandson. I didn’t own it then, and I do not own it now. This night he fell in his room. Hurting his hip he was unable to get up without my assistance.

On Monday he asked me to stay – to help. I told him that I would as long as he had a plan in place. I would stand beside him as he once again took those first steps toward sobriety. Haltingly I set boundaries.

He had tried to convince his daughter-in-law to let his grandson skip school on Tuesday and stay another day. This was so reminiscent of all the old tries at sobriety I explained I would not stay if his grandson did. It didn’t become an issue.

When it was just the two of us, David explained he expected me to be in charge of his sobriety. He ordered me to get a list of all the AA meetings. I was then to tell him to go and drive him to them. Another boundary – I said no. He knew exactly when and where the meetings were. If he wanted me to go with him, as I had many, many times before, I would, but I was not ordering him to any meeting.

He never went to a meeting. He ignored the calls from his sponsor. He made it two days - staying sober Monday and Tuesday.

What Word for Me Today
Getting up and going to the gym!
Off to treat myself to breakfast!

Minutia
New Song...
Adele's Rolling in the Deep
http://blog.vh1.com/2010-12-09/video-premiere-adele-rolling-in-the-deep/