Ritual - For me, for him, for others.

rit•u•al

Pronunciation: \ rich-oo-uh l \
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin rītuālis, rite
Date: 1560–70
1. an established or prescribed procedure for a religious or other rite.
2. a system or collection of religious or other rites.
3. observance of set forms in public worship.
4. a book of rites or ceremonies.
5. a book containing the offices to be used by priests in administering the sacraments and for visitation of the sick, burial of the dead, etc.

Doug called and asked that I come Monday night rather than Tuesday morning. He was unsettled by finding David and the state of the room. He turned to me. What happened that night, to me, was an act of respect. I did what I did because I loved David. I did what I did so others would not have to. I did what I did because I needed to. There is no regret. My actions closed the circle.

David died of an acute subdural hematoma. He fell at least twice in his bedroom. He bled significantly from the severe cut on his head. However, it was the internal hemorrhage that killed him over the course of 3 to 4 hours.

When I opened the door to his bedroom I pieced together what had happened by blood around the room and the dozens of Absolute vodka bottles strewn across the bed and floor. He fell at least twice. The first time he hit his head against the edge of his desk. How soon he was able to sit up I cannot tell, but he leaned against both the speaker and the side of his bed. The uncovered speaker was soaked with blood as was the box spring. There were hand prints and smears across the furniture and the walls. There was a bloody hand print on an Advil bottle and pills spilled across the floor.

He must have gotten himself back to bed, for there was blood on the pillow, sheet and on the curtains that hung at the head of the bed. At some time, he got up and fell again. This time he did not get up. The next day, the coroner would confirm my views with the preliminary results of the autopsy and his own investigation of the scene.

There was work to be done. That night I stripped the bed, sacked everything and took it out to the front porch. I picked up all the bottles and put them in recycling. Then I began to clean. I washed the walls, the desk, the speaker, the floor. I would repeat this until I could not see any more blood. I worked on the box spring, but I could only fade the stain. I folded his clothes, straightened the living room and finally lay down on his bed. By now it was 4 a.m. There would be more to do, but tonight I was where he was when he died.