Tarry – Sometimes I wish I could stay in the in-between.

tar•ry
Pronunciation: \ tar-ee \
Function: verb
Etymology: Middle English taryen to delay
Date: 1275–1325
1. to remain or stay, as in a place; sojourn
2. to delay or be tardy in acting, starting, coming, etc.; linger or loiter.
3. to wait.
4. Archaic . to wait for.

Between the Thursday of MLK week and the early morning hours of February 22nd I did not speak with David. I called multiple times and left many messages. I sent him a funny little card with a tricycle on the front. “My next ride will be a three-wheeler.”

On February 5th he left me a voice message.

Hey thanks for the card. That was really cool. I just… I love you and I miss you. And things are a little rough here right now. I am really struggling with a lot of things. But I think about you often and I do love you. Anyway , thanks for thinking of me and sending the card. Bye.

I called him right back. But he did not answer. Even today I question why I didn’t just drive down to Eugene. I have to believe that Al-Anon is right - that I am powerless over someone’s sobriety. It has to be true, because the burden is too great – the what ifs too haunting.

What I know is that he moved Doug back in with him. Doug, a gentle soul, but truly an old hippy, had lived with him before. Doug helped him get into Detox. David stayed there for about a week. He had gotten a 24 hour sober chip. He wouldn’t go into treatment, preferring to return home. He stayed sober for two days. He never went back to work. He kept to his room, watched videos and drank.

David had asked Doug to check on him every day – something Doug did. On Sunday morning, February 21st David was awake and moving around his room. Doug was gone most of the day and that evening. When he returned he found David on the floor of his bedroom. He was cold to the touch. The paramedics, then the police, then the coroner came.

Then Doug called me. I would learn more, face more, when I drove down Monday night. I would talk to the coroner, I would clean the room, I would take care of the family. But it was Monday, and I went to work because I did not have a sub.